Last week I attended a training session on emotional intelligence and this description really stuck with me.
“What we see in people is really like an iceberg.”
This is so true, most of us hide our insecurities, fears and dreams afraid of what others will think.
Along my journey I have found that when I grew the most was when I was the most vulnerable and there was someone there who really truly took the time to get to really know me and provide authentic support.
By being vulnerable I became real instead of the image or front I had been placing in front of myself in protection. People began to see me for who I really am instead of who I thought they wanted me to be.
For the majority this actually brought us significantly closer. I heard things like “you’re different than I thought you’d be” from people knew to my life. And from those who had known me for a long time “I’m so happy for you”, “wow what have you been doing to have such a positive impact”.
It wasn’t all pretty
I won’t lie some didn’t like it. When I looked deeper these were the people whom I had pretended to be aligned with their values in order to please them. Like a boss or coworker. This wasn’t intentional disception on my part, rather I didn’t know I had a choice to have my own values and live by them. I had grown up following someone in my life believing their way was the only way. That hiding how I really felt was the only way to survive.
Eventually my truth started to come through. It was like an explosion of a planet messy, loud and disruptive. The conversations with those who were not on board with the change was strained. I own this strain, they were caught off guard and surprised. I wish I had known and could have shared what I now know was happening to make the transition easier for them. While the loss of a few relationships were painful at first I now see that I was not truly serving them authentically and they could not possibly of served me. I hadn’t shown them how.
My hope for you
Now that I’ve taken this journey to my true and authentic self I have found so many others who have done the same. In fact many were already around me. Changing to live in my truth and choosing to share it with others is the most powerful thing. I can honestly say it is my most proud moment of my life.
This has enriched my relationships with my children and amazing husband of 20 years, friends and family. It has allowed me to spend less energy on hiding me from the world so I could invest that energy in sharing my joy.
All I wish for you is the same. I thought I’d give you a little homework for this week. So here it is…
1. Take a moment to pick one person to get to know under the surface
2. Connect to one person and allow them to know you on a deeper level.
That’s it! Please come back and share your story of how it goes. I’d love to hear what challenges and successes you faced in this assignment.
Until then, please take a moment to thank yourself for being present and mindful of your own personal growth.