This week has been pretty intense, five 16 hour days getting home with barely enough energy to get from my car to bed, getting up just 5 hours later to start again. My feet hurt, I’m a bit dehydrated and admittedly I’m glad to be sitting here writing in my blog. While my body may be tired, my energy is higher than ever!
So what’s my secret?
Expectations that miss the mark
You’ve probably already heard the quote “show me your friends and I’ll show you your future” or “you’re the average of the five people spend the most time with” by Jim Rohn. You’ve likely even heard to spend your time with people who are smarter than you to challenge you. This and other ideas have shaped not just my thoughts but so many of my students and clients.
As a result this has left us with is looking at people as a way to improve ourselves. To see people by their impact on us. For me, this just doesn’t work.
Seeing people as the possibility they are
- Have you ever met someone and what they are up to in life leaves you inspired? Where you find yourself seeing the world in a whole new light?
- What about that friend who sees through your “I’m fine”, and calls you on it when you are not being authentic? Or locked in a story?
- Don’t forget about that person who holds you accountable for being out of integrity with only your ability to get that off your back at heart?
- Or when you meet someone and they are genuinely interested in your life and what you’re up to?
This past weekend I found myself surrounded by all four! I was spending my weekend doing one of my favorite things, being in service of others. I was part of a team of about 50 people who created and held the space for the Landmark Forum. Throughout the weekend I had an opportunity to get to know many of these incredible people. As each of them shared with me what they were up to in their lives I kept finding myself seeing such an incredibleness about them.
An experience to remember
This first person that stood out for me shared that she is working to end sexual violence. She spoke with such passion, conviction, and wisdom that her eyes lit up. As a result as she spoke I could see the world through her eyes. As a 17 year old she is part of a change for humanity.
One of our leaders checked in to see how my day was. Ehen I said I was good, she took a moment, looked right in my eyes and then said: “are you really”. Instead of letting me hide what I was really feeling, she really saw me and held space for me to release what was on my mind. Her stand for me was so clear, she didn’t just give me freedom for what was in my space. She genuinely showed her own stand for people being free to be happy and fulfilled. Therefor she didn’t allow what needed to get done, what was on her mind, or the fact that we had just met get in the way of being the stand for a world of free people.
Not making you wrong
I noticed a way I was being inauthentic in my interaction with someone. I shared that with him and he acknowledged it right away and held space for me to get back into integrity right away.
He didn’t make me wrong, he didn’t change how he interacting with me. As a result of his way of being I was left with a feeling of power over my behavior. His stand for holding people up to their best selves was so clear.
Building your tribe
I am very grateful for both the people in my tribe and the new people I am honored to meet each day. They challenge me to be the best version of myself and support me when I’m not.
Every day I am in the presence of the most amazing people in my life. As a result, I am left with is the how important it is for me to hold these people up just as much as they do for me.
The 5 ways I’m holding up my tribe
Let them know what they mean to you
I have never regretted showing someone how much love I have for them! Let them know when they make an impact on you. Tell them about the light you see in them, how they inspire you.
Hold space for them
Everyone needs to be heard! Give your loved ones the gift of your full attention. Let them know that how they feel or what they are going through matters.
Hold them up
We all spend so much time judging and thinking about what we aren’t. What we all need is people around us who are there for every moment and are ready to hold us when we need it. To celebrate with us for all the little wins and the big ones. Who builds our confidence by holding a safe space to deal with anything.
Be on their court
Know what they are up to, what they want for themselves or for the world. Be their cheerleader, the ear they need, ready with a look at what you’ve accomplished pep talk. Ready with a tissue and a shoulder. Let them know you want for them what they want.
Help them connect
Whether it’s sharing their vision on social media, or helping them connect to the dreams be the person that is in service of their success and fulfillment. Get deeper in your conversations with them. Know what inspires them, gives them motivation and keep them connected to it.
Hold them to their word
Holding the space for someone to be in their own integrity gives them the power and freedom to be themselves. It is in service of their dreams that our honestly is a mirror of safety and love that allows them to see what is hidden.