It seems like everywhere you look today someone is telling us to self-care, that self-care is the answer to our problems and if we aren’t doing it we should be. If we’ve spoken before you have likely heard my opinion of the word “should”. I know it is a bit ironic to say this. I feel that the word should, should be removed from our language. Funny right! I believe that “should” is as a mentor recently said “the most disempowering factitious concept” in our language today.
It can be easy to get caught up in the pressure being placed on us from all sides to “self-care” or to feel that it is a sales gimmick. This expectation that if we only did this or bought that our lives would be better or finally good to me is baring on unethical. The pressure to not self-care to not get caught in the consumerization of it all can be just as profound.
The History of Self-Care
While it is often portrayed as something new, a trendy new thing to do, the concept of self-care has been around since Ancient Greece. The desire for affluence and a life of luxury leading to those with less being in service to those with more.
Prior to the 20th century, self-care was seen within the societal expectations highly linked with affluence and privilege. In some cases, standards such as hygiene, diet, clothing, and education were forced on others through colonialism of Western society. Our history in Canada and around the world has utilized these standards of self-care to determine access and to deny rights in our culture.
I feel that understanding the dark past of self-care and how it has been used can teach us so much. I believe we have learned some, but as long as we use it as a lever to determine worth we are missing the point.
A Historical Shift
The 60’s and 70’s
During the 60’s and 70’s, a shift begins to take place towards self-care, self-governance, and social justice. Studies began to look at the effects of intense stressors brought on by emotionally difficult professions such as social work and trauma therapy. These early stages of recognizing that what we do can have an impact on our personal health and wellness lead our work today. In our communities activism becomes a way of creating change as a new form of awareness emerges both locally and abroad. We see an influx of community-based organizations forming to bridge the gaps in the governmentally run supports needed to address low income and lack of access to quality care. All the while small groups break from society in search of new ways of living that address the desire for something more consistent with newly arising value-based choices.
These early stages of this changed look at self-care and self-expression inspire the possibility that individual choice is possible, not simply a hindrance or gift of economic class. While these changes have changed our society forever we also begin to find new ways to use self-care as a measurement lever.
In the mid 80’s we began to measure our self-care with words like time management, productivity, and work-life balance. Either individually or through a company lead training we are introduced to ways of “doing more with less”. Companies like Covey begin to emerge systematizing ways to be better, do better and be measured at work and home.
Ironically at the same time, the early stages of wellness and lifestyle conversations begin as Meditation, Mindfulness, and Yoga that has been in the west for over a decade begin to gain quiet traction. A quiet minority looking for ways to lessen our planned and productive time and allowing acceptance and inviting curiosity.
Through the 90’s and rolling into the 21st century, phrases like “Think Different” encourage living a life that you create. To stand out and be seen. While this sounds positive and certainly encouraged forward-thinking progress. It’s important to connect this phrase with a company looking to connect with all that has happened over the past 30 years, the desire for self-expression, and to challenge the status quo all the while inspiring us to buy their products.
Our focus has once again shifted, now on to have more of the things we love. It doesn’t take long for this to begin to enter us into the era of what you own as a new measurement of self-care. Personal luxuries begin to take on cultural meaning as walkmans, iPods and cell phones are introduced. In a world where our basic human need is to feel connected we are consistently asked… are we connecting in this new found way. These early connection tools expand even as you are reading this as new forms of social communication are formed and designed to keep us “connecting” through their platform.
Ironically today we have begun to measure our self-care as how much we have disconnected from these exact same connection tools. Each week a new video showing the need for more human connection, connection to self and nature portrayed as the new “self-care”. Usually right next to an ad for another technological distraction.
I know that when this all showed up for me I was furious. Like many others, I have spoken to I began looking at minimalizing, limiting technology in response to this awareness. And then it occurred to me, is that the newest measurement of self-care? So how can we self-care in a way that is actually helpful to our well-being?
Let’s get back to the basics! What does self-care mean? Here is the definition of self-care from Oxford dictionary.
- When do I feel calm?
- What activities support me in feeling a sense of calm?
- What is different after these activities?
- How do I experience being calm?
- What is different between when I feel calm and when I do not?
- What helps me feel rested?
- When do I feel at my best? What am I doing? What is around me?
- When do I feel a need for that sense of calm?
What does your body good?
- Which foods support my body’s ability to do what I ask of it?
- What foods leave me feeling tired and achy?
- Which activities support my mind’s ability to feel calm and clear?
- Which activities leave me feeling tired, stressed or frustrated?
- What type of environment do I feel the most safety in?
- How do I feel during moments of stillness?
- What types of stillness support me?
- How do I feel during movement?
- What types of movement help me feel healthy and strong?
Understanding your Stress and Fears
- How do I know I am stressed?
- When I feel stressed where and how do I feel it?
- When do I feel stressed?
- What activities allow me to distract from stress?
- How does my stress change after these activities?
- How do I experience fear?
- When I feel fear where and how do I feel it?
- When do I feel fear?
- What activities allow me to distract from fear?
- How does my stress change after these activities?
- What one thing could I give myself at this moment?